Blitzkrieg born on the wrong side of all borders
do you really
want to win
with all that was lost
the moment it was born
to no reason
and no sense
parents from hell
watching

its growing concern run amok
falsifying
acts of Gods

when I was born I was almost alone
but for some woman I later loved
as my mother
and since the very beginning
I used to have a good heart
over the years
it has grown so much
could take a lot
blood
alcohol
not drugs really
mostly abuse
some love
even sixteen orgasms one night
each time following hers to the very end
she gave a scream getting on a bus the next day
what happened?
-it hurt
smiled at some thought she had
so?

so
into my English teacher I was
God is my witness
she was divine and perfect
suddenly left for New York
leaving me in Warsaw
stranded
trapped like a wild animal between antiques
of still bleeding us from Cracow to Gdansk
martial law
you can’t fuck the letters
you can’t fuck the phone calls
and we are talking love

later I found another one
her beauty impossible to describe
Jewish princess but of Polish
sweetest
warmest kind
and I slowly taught her to spread legs
get moist
and take me on a ride to become a different man
a gentle one
I would use my orgasm to open her up
and I tried
I tried so hard
to have a second one with her
but she hurt
even cried sometimes
and what can you do
what can you tell her
being so young
ahead
time was getting on my side not hers

year later she would admit to having an abortion
just before I came out of nowhere
or some bus
downtown
thanked me for making her a woman again
after this other
perfect
man
who totally screwed up
-would you marry me?
I hesitated and she knew

we met again before she left for Spain
had the quickest sex ever
she was desperate
wanted it right away
and I was a little nervous my father would come
see us on the foyer floor right by the entry
fucking
but we weren’t fucking
we were making good-by love
and she had it so deep this time
got pale and cold
her lips turning blue almost
but
it was me who cried more

as planned I flew to London the next day
mutual departure
that was the end of magic
again the doors got shut
curtains of fate has fallen on dust

time

years later
I woke up in my beautiful loft
in Chicago
on a sunny day
alone
happy
staring at the timber blocks
I counted them all
the girls sent from above
my angels
spelled each name aloud
all fifty four at the bottom of my thoughts
brought to light
by Sun
and realized I always needed only one
anyone of them
any

that’s why today
when there is no road
and no river to travel
it is just the pain in my heart
I am going to somehow carry upstairs
and I will
alone

don’t ask me what year I was born
I can make myself look much younger
I never really got old
maybe woke up one day a little beaten
and ridden
we both know I was looking for you too hard
for too long
in all the wrong women

don’t ask me how sick I am because I promise
I will always walk straight when in pain
pretend to look for a cab
coffee shop or dress that
you will wear for me and my whole world
suddenly cured

and never ask me what we can or can’t afford
because if I am too poor
my son and your son
will bring you the whole Universe from me
which is what I got
when I saw you

to older women I loved as a young man
I would bring most beautiful flowers from cemeteries
that I would have to walk through alone
so much later
careful not to step on their blooming graves

my mind knew no future and no past
as everything
was the eternity of love
discovery
and when I watch on television
other women of other men
senselessly beaten or murdered
erased from the mirrors in my life
each breath of it
I just want to die
because somewhere there
is my mother
and I would never murder her
in that other woman