behind that ridge
or invisibly further away
behind enigma of quietest Ocean
and drapes of winds
hanging on crossroads
I’m fading
from visibly lost
to transparent no one
while the fade darkens my thoughts

still
on my way  home away from home
there is this clock I  need to set on fire
while it ticks
its last song of passage

I watch desert
swallow its burnt
stinking time
lonely days
shattered veins
dedicated to later
which never came
and painful chase of birds that matters
no more
separated from hope
by millions of steps
I never desired to walk

it is my PAST
behind that ridge
waiting for more
of living me
but I  never mind self
already late as ALWAYS

so fuck it

took few drags on cigarette
pissed
talked to God of Joshua Tree
stone flattend by  Sun
any icon I could find
talked to miles of dust rising
and prayed
help me
bring on the flood
and slowly
very  slowly
drove off  for the mountains
in Heavens

there is not much left
but I still want to live
where there is nothing
so I am waiting
for more
to go away

and when it all started
I had everything
but I couldn’t see
a thing

so what’s the difference ?
was it all about the trip?

if you are not driven by hunger
and you are not driven by fear
and it is not desire
what is it, animal ?
why uniform and weapon ?
why carbon bones and shields ?
why steel and lethal force on other people’s dreams ?
animal
your Master
is a flying pig
with your precious blood
you are buying him time
to build a cage
for your own kids at a place
not long ago
called home

if you are not driven by hunger
and you are not driven by fear
and it is not desire
what is it, animal ?
why uniform and weapon ?
why carbon bones and shields ?
why steel and lethal force on other people’s dreams ?

animal
your Master
is just a flying fuck
pig lost in the wind
of history

and with your blood
you are buying him time
to build a cage
for your own kids at a place
not long ago
called home

as she crossed one leg over the other
I leaned forward
tell me why did you bring me here?
What do you mean ?  she asked
I suffer
Do you ?
Yes, a lot
But why?
It is probably my sense of guilt of not being from here
and I can’t have you any time I want, this is wrong
are you sure ?
Of course. Open your legs and take me home
oh stop !
why?
Because I am dead and this is just a dream
so what !!!??? Am I not asleep ?
no
you are
not

the Great American Recession

and me

yes we met

half way to the Brave New World

at each other’s throat

me struggling for a breath

her

for make up and my faith

in miracles and fairies

flying around in New York

up and down

right to left

as music of English Horns plays to invisible ears

that are long deaf

TV on

daily bread is fed

venom flows

God I am alive and I find

invitation to hell

completely unexpected again