somewhere there

to older women I loved as a young man
I would bring most beautiful flowers from cemeteries
that I would have to walk through alone
so much later
careful not to step on their blooming graves

my mind knew no future and no past
as everything
was the eternity of love
discovery
and when I watch on television
other women of other men
senselessly beaten or murdered
erased from the mirrors in my life
each breath of it
I just want to die
because somewhere there
is my mother
and I would never murder her
in that other woman