Any of me

I have started a conspiracy
to go to Heaven
no one knows about it but people I trust
like all of you
but not my God
he would not approve any of me
the women
my porn
hatred of peace of mind
missing appointments with better death
through  Angels awaiting with Mary
his only Son
and drugs
but most of all
that I didn’t sail
from the last End of this World
to its Birth anew
outside of any church, mosque, synagogue
I did try to belong