you are my fantasy
girl
imaginary save-heaven
rest stop on any road to anywhere
lights in the sky
I haven’t touched only once before
by the way
I believe in fairy tales
and deserts that need rain
flowers opening to sounds of life
reborn
through love
you are my water hole
and Coral Bay
you are a marvel
which I will never get to know
only by heart
I came with
so late
I do not belong to anything I know
I belong to what I don’t know
I doubt though
it is waiting to be discovered
expecting me
to learn it
so I’d better start packing
this
all I know
to be me
while I still do
comprehend
what it is
I am
theater of semi-Gods
who are hidden for safety
and playing us
torching this Earth
for their ruthless
fancy pleasures
games
of blood sacrifices
and building fires
till nostrils are filled
with the aroma of innocent sheep
burnt
devoured
guilty only of wanting to live
too much
I admire
your sick intelligence
Animals
children of Satan
in places
crucial to our failure
we become
no entities
with no feelings
only with fear
programmed
into synthetic brains
if we let them
have us involved
as hosts
freedom of choice
turned upside down
revoked
but this is just a dream
this cursed life
just a bad dream in Paradise of possibilities
slowly taken away
and lost for eternity
I wish
there was a day
I wasn’t born among them
once put in my place
I don’t quite find it mine
she cried
Dominique cried
deported
will you fly to me?
of course
call me?
yes
by the way
I am still doing it every night
in my thoughts
sweetheart
I was right I didn’t
wasn’t I?
good husband
car
house
and no accent
when he says
what I used to
I didn’t fly
I knew better
what you needed
to thrive
the great escape is a myth
great
sweet myth
you barely ran from yesterday to today
only to learn that you are still trapped in yourself
with the same numbers they gave you at birth
to keep track of the ransom you pay for being allowed to breathe
live
multiply
that’s why I chose to breathe fire
then
it doesn’t hurt as much
fuck it
my life has not been complicated
but it made my brain complicated
and even now
I don’t know which one
which life
I am talking about
because I am not a bird
to sing different lives every morning
down every road
every soul
wake the Sun
from lonely travels
into the abyss
of waiting
I woke up
but I forgot for what
something was supposed to be
usual something
which no longer exists
it left while I was asleep
and only in a dream remembered it
that it used to be at hand
Alarm Clock from the past
which only measured time
of which no matter remains
some residue of the passage
ash
buried in my genes
memory
hidden in the pockets of this Sun
small
noisy change of fate
with which I will pay for some future
if I ever need more of it
than for now
for this moment
I am a pilgrim from Hell
mere shadow
came to play Indians and Cowboys
race card
slave lottery
sons of some Revolution
some daughters of men
or
run amok with Puerto Rican flag
in Humboldt Park
and guess what
no welfare checks written to me
no bacon from government
no shame
I only got fees for ambulances
gave bribes to local dirt
politicians
cops
gangs
used pick up truck beds
to stay overnight
in parks and allies
look at the stars
my colors
my life
because pilgrims like peace
between their little wars for survival
find gold on every street
in every kiss thrown at them
by local women
from working the streets ghetto girls
to drunk
stupid
lost sheep of supposedly better breed
barbies
looking for their Mr Perfect
high
Babylon Prince
on the Midwest weekends
I am so done with it
