STOVEPIPE

life has so many messages
just listen to them ” knocking on Heaven’s doors”
as in reverse
they always lead to you
of course no one can escape LATER
once integrated and coherent on the other side
so
I was four and we were quite poor
my beautiful parents and older brother we shared a relatively small room
in an area that before the last world war was populated only by Polish Jews
suburb of Warsaw
and a man named Perechodnik wrote about its fate
wrote a book that years later in my second life
I saw discounted on Barnes and Noble shelves
“Am I a murderer?” was the title
few stopped
none cared
American way
The names rang a bell even thou it happened thirty years before I was born
From that war my country came out as the most damaged country of all
Most Jews were gone to early graves or Israel
some were communists in local administration
some were old broken souls that adopted the four year old
sat him on a lap
and I watched
ceramic fireplaces with stars of David, photographs of lost family members
and fear mixed with anger at what this world came to
when it stopped

Maybe then it became obvious The Change is designed for handlers
as we the people matter no more
so
as I said
I was four years old and we were quite poor
because of this war
and the one before
so many wars for such a lonely place
well
my parents and brother already asleep suddenly I was awaken by the TV
the News from Vietnam was on
popular anchor commented on film footage, Rolling Thunder and body count
but as a kid I only cared for his famous Teddy Bear always on his desk
little furry toy I couldn’t get
till I saw that soldier carried on stretches and I sat down and looked scared around
knowing it was me from 1965 or before
somehow
dead

but I am back for more of this Earth
the beautiful
by irony of fate in what an awkward place
that suburb became known for Vietnamese refugees
brought to heal their wounds and I daily bumped into them
characters from outer space
so different, wired
but not to me
my mother walked me to kinder-garden
she waved to them
and many other friends
and friends of friends who left few years back and later fought
Mil’hement sheshet Hayamim

what I am saying is that
this is not an easy world to comprehend
but today
I really miss that US army jacket
old and torn
which I bought at a flee market in Warsaw around unfulfilled 1984
(we only had a stupid martial law)
and I used to wear it to birthdays, weddings and dates
how I wish I brought it with me
home
home of my previous life and of NOW
or whatever is left of it
so thin
still
it gave me a lot of warmth
and it can’t be a lie – it’s all there
the battle raging as always
to break the code of this universe

fallen corpses of men
all over the God damn place
waiting to rise and walk
and not just the saints
not just the saints