Scary Halloween. Didn’t do anything as planned. No concert, no after-party, no video. They will play again in few weeks.
Once I got on the expressway, I drove for three hours till I realized it will take me three hours to get back.
It took more than that. Mind. Suddenly mind came back to tell me to do everything as planned but it was too late.
Called and apologized to others. Drove home instead.
I have thought of the woman I long for, for the first time in weeks, all the time. Against the background of few recent days that have changed everything beyond and here. That doesn’t help.
Why do I suddenly think about her? Is she leaving work now? Did she move out of state?  How happy will someone make her today?
I have already changed my routine and almost forgot. Stopped buying sandwiches at Italian Deli on Grand, enter expressway further West, use Lake Street to get Downtown, found another coffee shop and met few really beautiful women I want to photograph or have photographed.  And she came back today. Stronger than ever. I am fighting my nature and unfortunately winning. Forgetting.
I still feel insulted by being dragged into mental kindergarten of American Coffee Shop. I asked for it.  Now I just eat my blueberry scone, drink tea and ignore all the shitheads around, copping what they saw on television. Looks and words.
I will meet the most beautiful one tomorrow to talk about our arrangements. She finally understood I was not after her.
It is such a great feeling not to want a woman who is beautiful, perfect; you look at her thinking – what did you expect? I am OK. You relax.
The only one I wanted to get to know was you. In many years. What DeNiro did in Taxi Driver was understandable, but childish.
Men walk away. You don’t fight jungle. With no collateral damage, no lessons would be learned. Same with kindergarten.


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